It’s that moment when you’re driving down the road, and your world is in control – or so you think. Sure life is kind of crazy right now, but you’re doing a decent job keeping the plates spinning. Then that song comes on. You know the one. It may be the first time you’ve heard it or you may have heard it a hundred times before, but it hits you in a whole new way – like a ton of bricks. Before you know it, tears are flowing down your cheeks, and all of the sudden yours eyes are opened to your own delusion.
I had that moment the other day. Life has been a little chaotic lately with a baby on the way and working through the process of getting custody of my 13-year-old niece. Going from zero to two kids in a matter of months caught me just a little bit off-guard, but like I always do, I handled it. I didn’t panic. I wasn’t nervous. I just did what I had to do to hold the pieces together and make sure my world kept spinning. I was doing just fine – or so I thought. Then that song came on the radio and my façade could no longer be ignored.
I’ve been doing all that I can
To hold it all together
Piece by piece.
I’ve been feeling like a failure,
Trying to be braver
Than I could ever be.
It’s just not me.
So be my healer, be my comfort, be my peace.
Cause I can be broken, I can be needy,
Lord I need You now to be,
Be my God, so I can just be me.
Laura Story – So I Can Just Be Me
“Oh God! That’s me!”
Before I could make it home the tears were streaming. I silenced the radio as God’s convictions were flooding my heart and mind. I was having a revelation (one I wasn’t too excited about) as the Holy Spirit spoke to the very core of my soul.
Let go. Just let go of all the things of this world that you are holding onto. Stop trying to fill the empty place in your soul with temporary satisfactions. I am the only thing that can fill that void. It is My home in your heart, made perfectly for Me. You keep trying to ignore what you know is emptiness due to My absence. You mask it with temporary pleasures and earthly solutions. You “fix” things. You try and hold your world together on your own, and you fail every time. You fail because it’s not your job. You weren’t made to carry these burdens alone. You need to allow Me to be your God so that you can just be you.
You’re under a lot of stress right now because the waves of change are coming. You feel like a tsunami is on the horizon, but it’s all your perspective. You’ve stared at it so long your mind is focused on it instead of Me. Don’t you think times like this are when your eyes should be fixed on Me? Don’t you think you’re better off clinging to Me than yourself? You have no chance facing this storm on your own, but I am the Great I Am. I have authority over the seas that rage. I am the only one that can calm the storm. They say I don’t ever give you more than you can handle, but that’s not true. You can’t handle this. You can’t handle owning a business, being a wife, adopting a teenager, and having a baby. You can’t handle these things alone. No one can, but together we can.
You’re always trying to do more than you need to – trying to be superwoman. Then you find yourself failing, falling short of what you thought possible. “Where are you God?” you cry out. You wonder why I haven’t come to your rescue. Have you read My Word? Seek and you will find. Knock and I will answer. When was the last time you knocked on My door? When was the last time you sought My presence? And you wonder why I’m nowhere to be found.
Do you think I enjoy this – this distance from My beloved daughter’s heart? Do you think I find joy in watching you flail around in the rising waters? It pains my soul to watch, to sit idly by as you anger and hurt, to have my whisper be drowned out by the storm you’ve created. I desire to be by your side. Even more, I long to carry you through. This weight is not yours to bear. Let me be your God, your Mighty Warrior, your Healer, and give yourself the freedom to just be you, whatever that looks like at the moment. I have not left you unprepared for this new journey. In fact, I have been preparing you all your life. So just relax and welcome me back in, so you and I can enjoy the ride together.
“Yes, God. I need to stop trying to be You because there can only be one God in my life, one ruler, and I wasn’t made to fill that role. I was made to need You, and I do, desperately. Only now, I see that clearly, and I’m ready – ready to be “broken and needy” so that I can know and experience Your Fullness in my life again.”
That song was the key that opened my eyes to my reality, and to God’s desire for His beloved daughter. God used the lyrics to grant me the freedom to let go of control, and fall on my knees before Him. It was just a brief moment that is now a continuous reminder of His great love for me, and how no matter how much I try to deny it, my life is not meant to be lived without Him.
