I’m pregnant… or at least I think I am. I don’t know how I got here. Two days ago I wasn’t sure about having a baby. Yesterday God changed my heart about that and I prayed for a baby. And now I’m standing here holding a pregnancy test with one dark line and another faint one, really faint.
That’s positive, right?
I spent this morning in a 3 hour meeting with a client. On my way home I stopped by the grocery store for some essentials. Before I knew it, I was in the feminine product isle with a pregnancy test in my cart. As I walked to the car I thought, “why did I just buy that?” According to my calendar it was impossible for me to be pregnant since Casey, and I just received the go ahead from my cardiologist a couple weeks ago. And even if I was pregnant, I can’t really test for a few more days or so.
Before I finished putting up the groceries, I was in the bathroom peeing on a stick. The first pink line appeared right away. I went into the kitchen to finish putting up the groceries while I waited the required 3 minutes. When the alarm went off, I headed to the bathroom, prepared for a negative. But there it was, the faintest of pink lines.
“Now what the crap does that mean?”
It was so faint I thought I was seeing things, but after a few double takes, it was undeniable. I immediately began reading the instructions. I called the helpline. Not helpful. I resorted to Google. Every article, every forum, every review said the same thing. Faint line, no matter how faint = baby in your belly. So that means I’m pregnant, right?
Well that’s not certain enough for me so I’m going to try again in the morning. Just in case it’s positive, I went ahead and scheduled a doctor’s appointment to confirm it. Covering all my bases.
So now my real dilemma is what to tell Casey. I always imagined surprising him with the news, but I’m not sure how to do that. I’d have to keep today’s test from him, and tomorrow’s, and the doctor appointment… until I get official results back. I just don’t know that I can wait that long or that he would even want me to. He should be home in 30 minutes so there’s not much time to decide. I think I’ll keep it to myself.
Casey got home right about when I thought he would and joined me in the office. He was asking about my day and how my morning meeting went. As much as I wanted to keep my mouth shut, my face was screaming that I had something to say. My cheeks were red. I was grinning from ear to ear and giggling. When he asked me what I thought about the consultant at my morning meeting, I tried to get the words out, but quickly realized I couldn’t and quickly blurted out…
“So I took a pregnancy test today.”
“Seriously? Are you pregnant?”
“I think so. I don’t know. I might be.”
I went on to tell him about my trip to the grocery store, the faint line that followed and all my research. Not hearing the uncertainty in my voice or choosing to ignore it, he cheerfully called me over to sit in the chair with him. Here I am freaking out, unsure what this all means, and Casey’s so giddy he can hardly hide hit. Figures. I just hope I don’t break his heart tomorrow morning when the test is negative.
Originally written on September 16.