Journal entry from September 17.
It’s the morning after the faint line. I took two more tests this morning. The lines were again faint, but they were there. I guess I will have to wait until my doctor’s appointment to know for sure.
At the doctor’s office. Just peed in a cup. Should know something soon, right? Praying it’s positive. I’m sure Casey is at work praying the same thing.
I grew up going to this doctor’s office. Stuffy nose, strep throat, physicals — I’ve had all of it done here. Now here I am, getting a pregnancy test. I wonder how they’ll tell me the results. I mean, this has to be a sensitive subject for people. They don’t know if I’m wanting it to be positive or not. I suppose they are used to sensitive topics though. This is a doctor’s office. Maybe it’s too early for them to get results. Maybe the tests aren’t sensitive enough. How am I really going to be confident if they say it’s negative – those faint lines haunting me until I have a concrete reason to believe it’s true. Wow! They sure are taking forever. You would think that this would be high priority and they would come in as soon as the results are clear. Man, there is so much waiting involved with baby making and pregnancy. I suppose it’s no different than anything else in life.
Okay so now there’s no denying it. I am pregnant. The doctor’s have confirmed it. Early. Very early in fact, but preggers. That was quick. God changed my heart on September 15 and here I sit two days later, pregnant and elated. Scared, but elated. I am officially a mom. Wow! God is so good and his miracles are mighty. There’s one of those mighty miracles growing inside me right now. God is at work, knitting together a child of His in my womb. He already knows His plans for this little baby. He knows the number of his or her days.
Lord, there is only one thing I can ask of you. May this child come to know and love you intimately as his or her heavenly father and have the saving faith that only comes from believing in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
Dear child of mine, I already love you. You will probably never know how special you are to me, or how much my heart loves you, but I pray you never doubt my love for you. I promise to pray for you daily, for all your days. I pray those days are many, but if the Lord ever decides to bring you home before me, I will trust Him and pray for His glory to be known through your life, no matter how long or short your days. Just know that you are known. You are wanted. You are loved. Amen.