I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced this. You have this HUGE secret you’re not supposed to tell, but it’s this GINORMOUS deal in your life. On top of that, it’s a subject that seems to come up often, and when it does you have to do your best to keep your cool. I’m terrible at this. Just seeing a good friend’s face makes me smirk in an obvious way. But I swear, I must have pregnant written across my forehead. I can’t tell you how many people have just straight up asked me if I’m pregnant. Try hiding your secret when that question pops up.
That’s what happened the other day. I was sitting with my writing group, 3 ladies I meet with every Wednesday, when we began talking about the struggle of comparison among women, a blog I wrote recently. That’s when one of the ladies in the group turned to me and said very poignantly, “you can’t let that steal your joy.” She didn’t realize how relevant her words were. Another lady thought that this one lady must know something she doesn’t, so she looked at me and said…
“wait, are you expecting?”
That terrible, uncontrollable smile came over my face, and I was found out in seconds. Once their excitement settled, we began talking about the fear of losing a baby and how that fear was keeping me from having kids, or praying for it at least. They have walked with me through my fears and even God giving me peace about kids so we cut right to the core. All moms themselves, they made it clear that it’s an ongoing struggle. I’ll have to face the same fear when I leave my child with a babysitter for the first time, when they learn to walk, to drive and even when they go to college. This cycle of fear and trusting doesn’t stop once the baby is born.
It became clear that as moms, we have to trust the Lord, do our best, but know that ultimately God gave us this child. They are His first and He can take our child away when and how he chooses. All He asks is that we are good stewards of the child that He has blessed us with, no matter how long or short that time may be. We are called to place fear aside and opt for trusting the Lord who loves our child more than we ever could.
Easier said than done, but I’m up for giving it a try. Hey, maybe this revelation will keep me from being a controlling, hovercraft mom. And Lord knows I’ll need all the help I can get in that area.
So what’s your take? I would love to hear other mom’s thoughts on this topic of fear when it comes to raising your child, and how you combat it.
Originally written on September 25, 2013.
