connection

10 Benefits of Ditching Cable

August 31, 2014 By: Shana4 Comments

One of the best decisions we have made as a married couple is to ditch our cable. Although we still haven’t completely scrapped the screen, we are making a move toward less reality shows and more reality. For now, that means some classic bunny ear antennas, plus Amazon Prime and Redbox for the occasional movie. I like to imagine a day when our television’s only job is displaying photos and homemade videos of sweet times with our family. Even by just getting rid of cable and sticking to a few basic channels, we’ve experienced many of the benefits below. I encourage you to consider doing the same.

1. Save more money. Everyone has something they’re saving for whether it be an expensive item like a car or something smaller like a new pair of jeans. Whatever it may be, cutting cable will help you put more into your piggy bank.

2. Steal more time. Everyone wants more of it, but there isn’t anymore out there. You get what you’re given so make the most of it. If you’re like me, you could find yourself lost in shows for hours. It always left me feeling unproductive and guilty about wasting my time. If we want more time, we have to steal it from something else. Why not steal your TV time for more family/work/crafting/learning/volunteer time?

3. Be more productive. So you think you’re the master of multi-tasking huh? Many of us are dual or even triple screeners. We can often be found sitting on the couch watching TV with our computer in our lap and our phone by side. All those tasks going on at one time must make us more productive, right? Wrong. I find I’m way more productive when I turn the TV off, focusing my mind on the ONE task at hand. TV is a distraction that siginificantly decreases our productivity.

4. Enjoy less drama. Let’s all just be a little honest with each other here. We each have enough drama in our own lives that we don’t need television shows to add more. Whether you’re watching soap operas and sitcoms or the news and HGTV, it’s the drama that draws you in. It’s toxic. Run away. Run quickly away.

5. Play more games. As a child, I learned to play Gin Rummy at the kitchen table, monopoly on the coffee table, and darts in the garage. Although those moments were few and far between, they are some of my fondest memories. How often do we play games that don’t involve screens? The face-to-face fun an interaction has been replaced by face-to-screen entertainment, and kids around the US are growing up without knowing how to hold their own at a card table. It’s a tragedy.

6. Increase your knowledge. Look, I understand that television can be educational and that YouTube videos are the new encyclopedias, but life is so much more fun when we learn through apprenticeship. I have many dishes that are better than my mom’s macaroni and corn casserole (sorry, mom!), but I make it frequently because it reminds me of when she taught me how to make it. From shooting hoops to changing a tire, life skills are meant to be shared through relationships and learned by doing. So turn off that TV and teach someone something.

7. Be more rested. It’s 8:55 pm and you’re absolutely exhausted. Thankfully, your show is almost over then you’ll head to bed, but then it happens. Your show ends and instead of a commercial, it goes right to the next show. You don’t look away quick enough and all of a sudden you’re hooked, glued to the couch for another hour. It’s happened to the best of us. We can’t stand the thought of missing out on something. Sleep is precious. Get more of it.

8. Exercise your imagination. Don’t watch your stories, create them. Build a fort (without looking it up on YouTube first), climb on in, and tell a tale of adventure and mystery. Create Christmas crafts without guidance from Martha Stewart. Let your brain run free without constant input and see what the output is. I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.

9. Soak up Vitamin D. When I was growing up I spent most of my summer in the sun jumping on the trampoline, shooting hoops in the driveway, splashing in puddles, and stomping in the creek. Now the glare of the sun reflects off my iPad so my love for sunlight has dwindled. It’s sad, but true. It’s so difficult to avoid curling up on the couch in our air conditioned homes, remote at the ready. If you don’t have cable, chances are you’ll find yourself seeking outdoor entertainment more often.

10. Experience deeper connection. If you’re anything like Casey and me, you come home from a long day and veg out on the couch in front of a mindless show. Maybe you even sit on opposite sides of the room, or even in different rooms because you don’t like the same shows. Shutting off the tube leaves room for conversations that drive deeper emotional connection. Oh and if you have a TV in your bedroom, get rid of it and (ahem) find a way to entertain each other.

Now ready to kick cable out your door just yet? Try one day per week, tube-free Tuesday or if you’re really brave, turn it off Monday – Friday. Let’s see what life we can get back by cutting back on TV.

Have you ditched cable and seen an impact in your life for the better? Would love to hear from you in the comments.

The Loneliness & Isolation of First-Time Motherhood

July 28, 2014 By: Shanacomment

Being a new mom is a brave new world and no matter how much advice and help you have, it still feels like you’re facing it alone. You alone bear the title of “Mom.” You are your baby’s source of life, his source of comfort. And it’s overwhelming.

You’ve anticipated the arrival of this little bundle of joy, but nothing prepares you for your new reality. Your needs and desires are sitting on a shelf for a while. You have one priority and one priority only, and that’s taking care of baby. We’re talking survival mode.

A good day consists of making sure you get to eat at least two meals, don’t pass out from exhaustion, and as far as you know, baby is well fed and has been changed a few times. Answering emails? Responding to phone calls? There’s no time. You barely have time for your spouse, much less anyone else. Your capacity for emotional connection is drained, likely every 2 hours or so, by the most precious life you’ve ever seen.

Ironically, this loneliness may be a time when you’re around more people than you have been in a while. But even though family is in town, they’re likely in survival mode too. You’re new 24/7 job means you have little time, if any, for laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping or anything else that doesn’t directly contribute to baby’s survival. That’s where their energy goes. They offer practical support and may even attempt emotional support, but it’s just not connecting.

Friends stop by to drop off food and cuddle your little one. You smile and try your best to find your way out of the fog so you can carry on a decent conversation. It’s sad really. You’ve looked forward to a new face walking into your cave of a home all day long, but once they arrive, you realize how exhausting it is just having company. If baby’s asleep, you’re missing time to sleep, shower, or get something else accomplished. If baby’s awake, you’re likely struggling to figure out that nursing cover or hiding in another room altogether. You crave the company, but your mind and body aren’t prepared to handle it.

Even those that have been through this phase before, those that know it well, even they aren’t able to meet you there. Not now. They’ve seen the other side. They know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. They’ve felt the warmth of it on their skin. You haven’t. For all you know, that light has been permanently squelched.

So we hold out hope that the light isn’t squelched. Although deep down we know our reality will never be the same, we will never be the same, we pray there’s a chance that one day soon we will rise from this strangely dark, yet delightful place to reenter and reconnect with the world around us. And hopefully, we’ll have had a chance to shower by then. 😉

Praying with you.

Shana

My Initiation into Motherhood

July 4, 2014 By: Shanacomment

The first few days as parents were quite a joy and even more humorous. It didn’t take long for me to be initiated into the world of being a mommy to a little boy.

The first night at home we decided Casey would do nighttime diapers since I was covering feedings (that ultimately didn’t work by the way). In the middle of the night Silas started to spit up while Casey was changing him. Casey panicked and quickly passed him to me like a hot potato. I don’t know if Silas got scared or if the open air got to him, but he started peeing mid-handoff. Our sheets and comforter were soaked. We changed his clothes and our sheets then found blankets to replace our comforter… all at 3am.

That was just the beginning of our initiation.

The weather was more than pleasant so we spent a lot of time on the back deck in the fresh air. While we were outside, momma brilliantly decided Silas was due for a bath. It was just going to be a quick wipe-down with a wet washcloth. Not quick enough. That was the first time he peed all over me, and himself for that matter. So far, Casey was in the clear, but that night he pooed while daddy was changing him. Luckily daddy had a wipe in his hand and was able to catch it. Close, but again, daddy stayed dry.

Right before he peed on me

The next night I changed his diaper and clothes 3 times in 15 minutes, seriously. He kept peeing and pooing as I changed him, messing his clothes and the fresh diaper. That was also the night I thought he had peed through his diaper when I discovered his pajamas were soaked near the top of his diaper. However, I soon realized it was milk leakage from my other boob from when he was nursing. Didn’t know THAT was possible. Awkward.

If the poo and pee episodes weren’t initiation enough, the next night I experienced volcano-like vomit for the first time. I was surprised his tiny belly could hold all that spewed from his nose and mouth. Well, I guess it really couldn’t.

Since these initial episodes he’s peed through his diaper onto my lap, peed on me multiple times during changing, and yes, the other day he pooed on me while I was changing him. For some reason I decided to change him quickly on my lap instead of his changing pad. He must have known. It was the first time I had done that so of course he decided to have projectile poo the moment I removed his diaper. Poo on my shirt. Yuck.

I know you’re wondering, “so when did Casey get his initiation?” That’s just it. So far he’s uninitiated! How unfair is that? I like to think that Silas is just saving up a big one for him. We shall see.

Despite all the messiness, it’s been pretty fun. Sounds weird, but it’s partly because we are doing it together. We’re tackling it as a team which makes it easier and draws us closer together as a couple. Plus, pees and poos are exciting because that means he is feeding well which is super important with how low his birth weight was.

So when I’m holding him and suddenly feel a hot liquid in my lap, or when I’m changing him and quickly duck and cover to avoid the flood, I can’t help but smile because all this reminds me that I’m officially momma to a healthy, beautiful little boy.

Did I just say getting peed on is fun? Oh brother. Yup. I’m officially a momma.

Returning to Counseling

June 8, 2014 By: Shana1 Comment

Casey and I are back in counseling. If you’ve been reading my posts lately, I’m sure you’re not surprise. We’ve been struggling to find a good balance since Ashlynne moved in and it has weighed heavy on our marriage. As our counselor explained it, we missed out on the years where heaving a child brings you closer together and strengthens your love, building a strong foundation for the teenage years that often pull couples apart because they divide and conquer homework, shuttle service, and the other demands of active teens.

I suppose it just adds to our time apart that we are moving and about to have a baby. I get it, life can get chaotic, but at least there is an end to this chaos. In just 4 weeks, we will be settled in our new home and either ready for baby to arrive or settled in with baby. Ashlynne will be out of school and Casey all be off work for the summer. We are going to go from 60 to zero in just a matter of weeks. Okay, so maybe not quite zero, but it is sure going to feel that way in comparison.

Some would say Casey and I should just manage as best we can during chaos and then reconnect when it ends. Counseling is just something else on the schedule, right? I have to admit, I thought the same thing when Casey first suggested we return, but the truth is that life is inevitably chaotic. It’s the cliché roller coaster of ups and downs, flips, turns and loopty loops. This will not be our last moment of chaos in this life. We must learn to stay connected in chaos and not let it overtake us. I don’t know about you, but I want a great, connected marriage all the time, not just when life is easy. Plus, counseling is kind of like a date night – scheduled time for the two of us to connect on a weekly basis.

So in our first session back we talked about priorities. There’s our ideal and then what our priorities actually look like based on how we spend our time. It came as no surprise to us that we are living in an upside down triangle. But how do we right things, especially when it feels like everything at the base of our triangle (low priority) is a “must-do” as deadlines with baby, work, and the house weigh us down?

I suppose the key is starting small. Our goal for now is to try and have a consistent 10-15 minutes of devotional time as a family when we tuck Ashlynne in at night. This will ideally help us grow spiritually while fostering relationship with Ashlynne and intimacy with each other, all top priorities. 3 birds. One stone. I’m excited to see how this little step helps us slowly start focusing on what’s at the top of our triangle, even when everything at the bottom is demanding our time.

How do you make time for top priority items and not let the tasks of daily life weigh you down?

A Pattern of Disconnection

May 16, 2014 By: Shana4 Comments

I’m starting to see a pattern. A pattern I don’t like. A pattern I can’t figure out how to stop.

Ashlynne was gone on Friday which meant Casey and I had time to ourselves. It seems like that would be a good thing, but the pattern that we can’t seem to break is fighting once she leaves. It’s like her being gone and us being alone gives us a new freedom to address issues whenever we want and brings us to a realization that things aren’t quite right.

If you’ll remember, the last time she was gone was the time I ran away to the park. The time before that was the breakdown over a cancelled date to see the Steeldrivers. And so on and so forth. Every time we have one of these fights, I feel like we come out on the other side more emotionally connected and with a better understanding of each other. I even feel like we have a game plan of preventing similar blowups in the future, but I suppose I’ve been proven wrong.

So Friday night started off rough before Ashlynne even left. In fact, things got rocky as soon as Casey got home from work. We ended up in a small disagreement that we were able to hash out before Ashlynne returned from softball practice. I was excited as I felt like we had recognized our disconnection and taken immediate steps to repair. Not the best repair we’ve ever had, but in my mind, we were reconciled. I guess I was deceived.

It wasn’t an immediate blowup, but man did things hit the fan hard later that night. Everything was going quite well after our discussion. We were on a mission to come up with a game plan for getting the house packed over Spring Break so we sat down in front of my computer and made a list of ideas based off various articles I had found on Pinterest. Then we made a run to the liquor store for boxes and then Office Max and Big Lots for packing supplies. Not the most romantic evening, but it was nice time together. It wasn’t until we got in bed that things got bad. Sadly, our topic of disagreement was the same one as earlier. You know, the one I thought we had resolved.

It’s a topic that has plagued our marriage almost from day 1: physical intimacy. We’ve had so many fights come from that topic that the thought of it can make me cringe. So the topic came up as were lying in bed. As we started to try and repair it was clear that this wasn’t going to be like any other fight. Casey was beyond angry and frustrated, and I was beyond hurt. It wasn’t a good combination and led to one of the most explosive arguments we’ve ever had. But you know what else it led to? A flood of honesty and transparency.

Words were spoken that should have left our lips years ago. Our hearts were poured out in front of each other and for the first time, we were able to talk about physical intimacy in a new light, the same light. As we ended the night we hadn’t solved all of our issues or even this disagreement, but we had been able to draw closer together and reconnect.

Although I am thankful for the progress we made through this fight, I can’t say that I’m not fearful that it leads nowhere. We seem to be stuck in this cycle of disconnection, disagreement, and reconnection with hopes of staying connected more consistently, but ultimately, we keep finding ourselves back at disconnection. It’s like we see the immediate results of a deeper connection, but it quickly fades as we flow back into our normal routine, back in to what’s comfortable for us, which often means our marriage isn’t a priority. Then it all blows up when Ashlynne goes away for the weekend, and the distractions are gone.

Maybe next time will be different. Ashlynne will be gone for a full 10 days so that should give us enough time to establish some new routines and build on this emotional connection. That’s my prayer. In the meantime, we’ll be packing for our move to the new home. Did I mention we’re under contract? Let the chaos begin.

Originally written March 17, 2014

Never Miss an Update

10 Benefits of Ditching Cable

The Loneliness & Isolation of First-Time Motherhood

Shana

My Initiation into Motherhood

Returning to Counseling

A Pattern of Disconnection

Looking for something?

Categories

Shana

Tags

Looking for something?

Categories