Sparking Emotional Connection: 20 Creative Date Nights Ideas

April 30, 2014 By: Shana1 Comment

Recently Casey and I have really been struggling to work date nights into our routine. Life has changed with Ashlynne being here. We aren’t on our own schedule anymore and often find ourselves tied to her softball schedule and homework routine. Plus, she’s not really a fan of being home alone at night. That can make one-on-one time pretty difficult, which eventually leads to times like this one I recently blogged about. Not good.

Anyone that’s married knows date nights are essential to maintaining emotional connection with your spouse; however, they also know, especially if they have children, that date nights cannot always be a night on the town or even dinner at a local restaurant. And you know what? Sometimes date nights like that don’t leave you feeling anymore connected because you forget to be intentional about conversation that draws you closer.

So what’s the solution?

The first key is scheduling time together, even if it’s just an hour a week. Put something on the calendar and keep the commitment. For Casey and me, this is going to be Wednesday nights. That usually seems to be a night that doesn’t have too much going on, and sometimes Ashlynne goes to youth group with a friend. So that’s our scheduled time together, but what do we do and how do we connect, even if we can’t leave the house or have only an hour to spare?

That’s where my friend, fellow blogger, and past Wednesday Wife, Cassie Celestain, comes to the rescue. If you read Cassie’s marriage story, you probably remember that she has a heart for communication in marriage. Her blog, True Agape, makes that clear as well. So she’s been working diligently over the last few months to put together an amazing resource to help us all make date nights at home intentional and fun!

Cassie’s eBook, Creating True Agape, is a guide to making at-home date nights fun and easy! There are 20 engaging at home date night ideas that cultivate communication, intimacy and growth without you even realizing it. She’s done a fantastic job of walking us through each date idea by providing a list of materials, activity description, focus topic, step-by-step directions, discussion starters and even printables. Dare I say that these date night activities that you can do in your home will leave you even more connected to your spouse than a fancy dinner or night at the movies.

Casey and I are going to be plowing through these date nights over the next few weeks since moving and a big baby in my belly will have us close to home for dates nights and short on creative ideas. I’m especially looking forward to the SPA AT HOME date night!

I highly encourage you to purchase this eBook while you can get it at the discounted rate. Even if you can’t see yourself using it now, it’s a great resource to have on hand for those days when the thought of planning a quality date night is just overwhelming.

Because my Love Truthfully readers are AWESOME, Cassie is making sure we get the launch special price of $9.95 from April 30 – May 2. Then the price will go up to $14.95 from May 3 – 9. After that you’re looking at the full price of $19.95, which is still a great deal, but who wouldn’t want to save 50%!

So don’t wait to order your copy of Creating True Agape – 20 at Home Date Night Ideas! I can’t wait to hear what your favorite ideas are and how these date nights ideas bring you a your spouse closer together!

Rediscovering Pure, Simple Love

April 24, 2014 By: Shanacomment

It feels like spring. It’s early Sunday morning, and I’m wide awake thanks to this feisty baby in my belly and crazy vivid dreams. The windows are open. The air is warm, but there’s a cool crispness and thickness to it that tells of the rain and freezing temperatures that are on their way. I’m sad this warmth will be gone soon as I anxiously await the more consistent warmth of spring, but I’m thankful for these few days of relief from the chill. Rumor has it there are more to come this weekend. Every warm day is a reminder that Baby B will be here soon. Although my due date is still 3 months away, I know those weeks are going to fly by and before I know it, our beautiful bundle will be wrapped in my arms. Speaking of kids, Ashlynne has been gone the last two weekends. Last weekend she was at church camp where she got to experience true fellowship with other young believers. This weekend is her time with her mom. We’ve missed having her here, but Casey and I really needed these last two weekends to ourselves.

It’s no secret that we’ve been pretty disconnected and really struggling to find a way to continue to make our marriage a priority while focusing on becoming parents to Ashlynne. We’ve done a pretty decent job (praise God!) with the latter, but the former has suffered greatly. All of our disconnection and frustrations came to a head again last weekend. Finally some time together to talk, which meant stepping into the puddle. Both angry and hurting, it didn’t go well. In fact, it went so bad that I didn’t know what else to do, but run away. I disappeared to the local park and journaled for 3 hours straight while soaking up the sun. I was thankful to be alone and thankful for the sun. Not just because I needed its warmth, but because it gave me an excuse to wear sunglasses which was a much-needed shield for my tears.

I poured my heart onto the page and sorted through months, maybe even years, of heartache, anger, and disappointment. It was brutal and left me with only one thing – prayer.

There was nothing else to do, but pray.

Eventually hunger called me home, or maybe it was the middle school boy’s birthday party that was slowly taking over the picnic tables surrounding me. Either way, I arrived home to find Casey on the porch with his friend, Ryan. I hid inside until Ryan left and Casey and I were alone again. He’d been complaining a lot lately about not hearing my heart so I made the decision to let him read what I had journaled. Maybe not the best idea I’ve ever had, but it seemed good at the time. He immediately disappeared to read through my multiple pages of pain as I prayed he would see my hurt and not his own inadequacies. What’s that thing about God not answering our prayers how and when we want? This was one of those times.

His heart was hardened to my pain and focused on what he did “wrong.” So naturally, he wrote me a letter about all the things I’ve done wrong and all I heard was “you’re a terrible wife.” Ouch! Yeah, no healing there folks. After reading his letter we talked a lot about the word LOVE and what it means. Casey defaulted to…

“What do you want me to do? What does love look like to you? Let me know and I’ll fix my checklist because I thought I was doing a good job.”

The problem is that love does not equal service or a list of to do items. It doesn’t fix pain. It joins it and sits right in the pit with it.

Even more, you can’t fake the heart behind it. As long as doing the dishes is a chore or a box on the checklist that’s the perceived gateway to physical intimacy, it can’t be called love. The most frustrating part of all this is that I think all of our counseling has made love a complicated word for us. But it was so easy, so natural when we were dating. No one had to give us a checklist or game plan because our loving actions came from an overflowing of our hearts.

It was our desire, not our duty, to love one another well.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am very thankful for all of our counseling. It has been and continues to be invaluable to us when it comes to emotional healing, communication, and conflict resolution, but a side effect is that it made love, pure and simple love, complicated.

Although that Saturday was difficult, we stepped way down deep into the mud and eventually found each other there. And amazingly, we stopped trying to dig our own way out or bury the other person deeper; we simply joined hands and sat there together. Messed up. Muddy. Stained. Helpless. Crying out to our Loving, Almighty God to restore our love for each other and help us make our marriage a priority again.

Ultimately, we came up with a game plan for recognizing disconnection and gave ourselves permission to stop everything to reconnect, and we started first thing Sunday morning by (Gasp!) skipping church to give us a little extra time together before Ashlynne returned. (Yeah, I know. We’re big time sinners.)

That was not how I wanted to spend our weekend alone, but we have reaped the fruit of reconciliation throughout this week through intentional connection, prayer and small moments that are full of love. This weekend was our first alone time in a while that wasn’t consumed by disconnection and repair. This weekend we saw how God had pulled us out of that mud pit, and we basked in the sun’s rays. Nothing fancy. Nothing even planned. Just pure, simple love.

You know the greatest part about all of this? The most amazing part?

It’s not that our marriage has yet again been renewed, it’s that a Mighty King that conquered the grave loves us enough to care when we’re stuck in the mud pit. And instead of standing high and mighty over us, condemning us for not being vigilant enough to avoid the hazard, He humbles himself, pulls up his stark white pants and steps into the mud with us, leading us out and then washing us clean on the other side. He could have just left us there. He could have given up on us.

“They’re in that mud pit again? Good gracious! When will they learn?”

But He loves us more! No, we don’t deserve his recue and there’s nothing we could do to earn it. Yet he simply waits eagerly by for our cry for help and then joins us in our mess. Now that’s a Savior! Yes, that is pure, simple love.

Originally written on March 2, 2014.

How Do We Be Good Parents and Good Spouses?

March 31, 2014 By: Shana10 Comments

It’s been a joy having Ashlynne here. We all have adjusted surprisingly well to the transition. God’s the only one that can take the credit for that! He has blessed us with abundant grace during what could have been a very difficult time for all of us.

Ashlynne’s been busy with sleepovers, but we’ve tried to enjoy some games and fun as a family too. The trip to Arizona to visit Casey’s family really helped with that. It was fun to experience her first flight with her. We didn’t get to sit together, but we were close enough for me to keep an eye on her. She was quite the trooper!

I know she has a blast spending time with her aunts, uncles, and cousins. We all did, and the warm weather was a nice touch. Most of the time was spent just lying in the grass or relaxing by the pool and hot tub. We even got some basketball in while we were there. Although getting away at the last-minute like that left me more stressed at home, it was totally worth it!

The only real adjustment issue we’ve had with Ashlynne moving in has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me and Casey. We don’t know how to be good parents AND good spouses yet. What was our daily connection time has now been replaced with tuck Ashlynne in time. The intimate conversations or heated repairs we used to have on a regular basis are few and far between as we seldom have any privacy.

I’m thankful that we are at least aware of it though. We are talking about it when we can and want to come up with an intentional plan and schedule for emotional connection time. Hopefully these next two weekends will help because Ashlynne will be at camp and then visiting her mom. So Casey and I should have plenty of time to connect and come with a 2.0 game plan for connecting in our marriage.

If you’re a parent of a pre-teen or teen, I’d love to know how you stay connected with your spouse. Leave your advice in the comments!

New Series: The Wednesday Wife

January 7, 2014 By: Shana2 Comments

You know that moment… maybe it was with a stranger in line at the grocery store, or while enjoying tea with your best friend – cuddled up on her couch. It doesn’t matter with who or where you were, but you probably remember it well. It’s that moment when she opened up and told you truthfully, transparently how she really is. Not that sugarcoated crap we tell people in passing at church on Sunday, but the brutal, raw truth. And when she did that, when she chose vulnerability over saving face, something awesome happened. That piece of loneliness in you that had remained far too long, that thing in your life that you thought no one could possibly understand, it began to melt away as you realized…

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

There’s someone else out there that knows your pain/guilt/frustration/hurt/anger. In that moment, you felt a little less lonely, and a lot more connected to her and the world around you. She felt a little more free and a lot more loved because not only did someone take the time to listen to her, but you embraced her vulnerability. Her pain had power through transparency.

Now that’s Love Truthfully.

Enter The Wednesday Wife. A place where women experience freedom and love through sharing their stories transparently. A place where women find themselves a little less alone, a little more connected, and maybe even a little wiser after reading another woman’s story.

I’ve had the pleasure of knowing some incredible women that have chosen vulnerability and shared their story with me and with you… and it all starts next Wednesday. Trust me, you won’t want to miss any of these so make sure to sign up for email alerts.

Just to give you a taste… here are the questions I asked each of these women.

1)   Tell us your courtship story. How did you meet and end up married?
2)   On your wedding day if someone had asked why you were getting married, what would you have said?
3)   If someone asked you today why you have stayed married, what would you say?
4)   Do you have children? If so, how has having children affected your marriage?
5) What has been one of your greatest trials in your marriage. How did you all overcome it?
6)   What has been the most challenging aspect of being a wife?
7)   How has being a wife changed you?
8)   What does date night look like for you?
9) What are the top three things/people that pull you away from or compete with your marriage? How do you deal with them?
10) What role has community played in your marriage?
11) What’s one thing you wish someone had told you before marriage?
12) If you have one final thought or piece of advice to share with current or future wives, what would it be?

I look forward to sharing these stories with you starting next week. If you want to be a Wednesday Wife, let me know if the comments.

A Step in the Right Direction

October 11, 2013 By: Shana11 Comments

The other night, Casey and I enjoyed a long overdue date. It didn’t start out enjoyable though. I made the mistake of bringing up, again, how long it had been since our last date. Then Casey made the mistake of getting upset with me about it and striking up a disagreement right before we were supposed to walk out the door. Poor timing. Everything in me just wanted to forego our dinner plans and stay home. He went outside and told me to meet him there when I was ready. I sat on the bed contemplating what to do.

I had feared that the night wasn’t going to go well. It never does when we’ve been disconnected for a while and then try to connect on a date night. It feels forced, not genuine and usually, the reason behind our disconnection rises to the surface. Not pretty. I felt that my premonition was coming true before we ever left the house. All I wanted to do was lie back into the bed I was sitting on and sleep. I was exhausted and not in the mood to pretend to like my husband or waste $40 on a meal just to fight the whole time.

I began typing a text to him saying I wasn’t going to dinner with him, but I stopped for a minute to think before sending it. At this point we have two options.

1) Choose to stay home and stay disconnected…

2) or continue with our plans and pray that things resolve and don’t get worse.

Although I wish I could say I chose the latter because I wanted things to turn around for us, it was really superficial motivations. I figured I already had makeup on, and I was really quite hungry so… I might as well go. I got up and headed to the closet to throw on my black dress and heels, taking my time, giving myself a mental pep talk as I went. A few minutes later, Casey came storming inside, assuming I hadn’t moved from my spot on the bed. Who knows, maybe he was coming in to say he didn’t want to go anymore. Whatever his intentions, he saw me in that black dress, getting ready for our date and things changed. He commented on how good I looked then waited for me on the couch. When we headed towards the door he hugged me and said he was sorry he hadn’t been making date night a priority. I wasn’t ready to repair so I headed to the car, silent. I was being obedient, taking steps toward him, but my heart was still hurting.

We began to discuss the situation on our way to dinner. Usually not a good move, but this time it was, at least in the end. He began to ask me why I keep bringing up our lack of quality time, and I was able to express how him not scheduling dates with me made me feel like I’m not a priority and that he doesn’t care if we have quality time together or not. That’s what it communicates to me. he said something about not having enough time because September has been such a crazy month. Apparently he hasn’t been reading my blog. We have to steal time for things that are a priority for us.

We schedule date nights and make room for other things, not the other way around.

I felt like he was understanding my heart, but then things went down hill. He began telling me how he has been helping around the house. Have I noticed? Apparently my verbal appreciation was not enough. He wanted physical affection and emotional connection in return for his service to me. Last time I checked, we have to spend time together for that to be possible. I was angry. But the real issue for me here is not that he’s hurt, that’s valid and should be addressed. However, it seems like whenever I am hurt about something and we begin to talk about it, the conversation almost always turns toward him. He tells me what I’ve done wrong. How he has been hurt. Why he hasn’t been emotionally connected. Whenever this happens, it feels so selfish. It feels like he sees my hurt and just looks to himself, not to me, and says “yeah, but what about me?” Almost like him being hurt means I can’t be or there’s no need to repair because 2 hurts make a healing.

The more we talked about it, it became clear that Casey waits until I start conflict to share his hurt. Although he’s come a long way, he still kinda fears conflict, which is pretty normal. That fear can keep him from bringing up hurts or anger to avoid conflict. Then once my loud mouth pulls us into conflict, which he can count on like clock work, we’re already there so he might as well bring up all my wrongs he’s been avoiding.

Transparency and understanding can have such healing powers, even if it doesn’t mean we’ve necessarily “fixed” things. We began discussing future date nights and putting them on the calendar, together. We were finally moving towards each other and just in time because dinner was right around the corner. We walked in holding hands, (we weren’t even faking it!), grabbed a small table in the corner on the upper patio, and enjoyed a delicious meal and even better conversation.

It’s times like this that I’m thankful for the power of the Holy Spirit because it was that small decision to step towards him instead of away from him, when everything in me wanted to call it a night, that helped bring us to that point of reconnection, and Lord knows that move wasn’t my idea.

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Sparking Emotional Connection: 20 Creative Date Nights Ideas

So what’s the solution?

Rediscovering Pure, Simple Love

There was nothing else to do, but pray.

The problem is that love does not equal service or a list of to do items. It doesn’t fix pain. It joins it and sits right in the pit with it.

It was our desire, not our duty, to love one another well.

You know the greatest part about all of this? The most amazing part?

How Do We Be Good Parents and Good Spouses?

New Series: The Wednesday Wife

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Now that’s Love Truthfully.

A Step in the Right Direction

We schedule date nights and make room for other things, not the other way around.

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So what’s the solution?

There was nothing else to do, but pray.

The problem is that love does not equal service or a list of to do items. It doesn’t fix pain. It joins it and sits right in the pit with it.

It was our desire, not our duty, to love one another well.

You know the greatest part about all of this? The most amazing part?

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Now that’s Love Truthfully.

We schedule date nights and make room for other things, not the other way around.

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Looking for something?

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