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The Wednesday Wife: Robyn McKelvy

January 15, 2014 By: Shana6 Comments

I cannot contain my excitement! Not only is this the VERY FIRST Wednesday Wife, but this woman is INCREDIBLE! I’ve talked about her on the blog before. She’s my pastor’s wife, but more importantly a dear friend and mentor to me and so many other women. My marriage would not be what it is today without this woman challenging me and being transparent about her story. She is a mom of 10, amazing cook, and a speaker and blogger for Family Life and their Weekend to Remember conferences. Oh and she’s also a knock-your-socks-off author that will light a fire under you. Make sure to take a look at her website after reading the below.

Don’t forget that when we share like this we are leaving ourselves vulnerable. This is our chance to love on Robyn. Please make sure to leave a comment thanking her for sharing or letting her know how her story has encouraged or comforted you.

 

This is going to be good… so sit back, relax, and enjoy! 

Robyn McKelvy married her husband, Ray, on May 28, 1988  (25 years! Wahoo)!

The-Wednesday-Wife-Robyn-McKelvy

1)    Tell us your courtship story. How did you meet and end up married?

I met Ray one evening when I went to Calvary Bible College in Kansas City, Missouri to pick up my best friend, Vicky, for a volleyball game I was playing in.  Vicky asked me to meet her in the student union and I was early so, I went inside to wait (this was very unusual because I normally stopped outside and she would jump in my car).  Going into the union, there was this young black man, twirling around a pole singing, “I’m singing in the rain.”

Ray was that guy, and Vicky couldn’t wait to introduce him to me.  He was one of the most outstanding men at Calvary, and she was excited that he was in the student union.

I was not impressed.

We met later when I visited the church where he was youth pastor and minister of music.  He wasn’t there that evening.  Long story short, I ended up becoming the interim pianist until the church could find one.  We became great friends and soon thereafter we became an ‘item’.

2)    On your wedding day if someone had asked why you were getting married, what would you have said?

Ray and I dated on and off for almost two years.  We were older and hadn’t seen any marriages we wanted to pattern our marriage after so…we were very afraid.  Because of these break-ups in our engagement, I knew Ray was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  I missed his company when we broke off our engagement three times.  He was truly my best friend.  So, if someone had asked me on my wedding day why I was getting married, I would have said, “I get the privilege of spending the rest of my life, almost every day with my best friend.  Who wouldn’t run hard after that?”

3)    If someone asked you today why you have stayed married, what would you say?

Ray and I have been through many ups and many more downs (the loss of 7 children through miscarriage, the loss in youth through blood clots, suicide, etc., struggles financially through grad school to the point of being on welfare, etc). It’s so important to know who you are in Christ and that your spouse has grown in his relationship with Christ. I am benefitting from these events because his relationship with Christ was strengthened. I stay married because, it can’t get better than this.

4)    Do you have children? If so, how has having children affected your marriage?

We have 10 children. 

Without the miscarriages, we have had 8 biological children all by c-section.  Then God gave us one through adoption, and then he asked us to help in the raising of our teenaged niece.  Children have greatly propelled our marriage upward to being more united than had we had not had any.  When you have children, you realize the deep commitment it takes to Christ and to one another to really raise a Godly seed.  It cannot be done alone.  You need another to balance things out and help along the way.

5)    What has been one of your greatest trials in your marriage and how did you all overcome it?

One of our greatest trials came when Ray and I ended up on the opposite sides of a family dispute.  Because it was with one of his family members, I felt like an outsider and I felt like I had been kicked to the curb by Ray.  It took time and plenty of communication for us to get to where trust, for me, could be reestablished.

6)    What has been the most challenging aspect of being a wife?

Knowing how to communicate with your husband where you can talk about the areas in his life that you see needs a checkup and he not take it personally or feel defensive.  We are called to be a helper to our husbands and being the unique helper he needs is a delicate balancing act.  This is a challenge to every wife and one that must be passionately sought after to succeed in it.

7)    How has being a wife changed you?

Truly I don’t look out for my best interests anymore.  I truly look out for the best interest of Ray and our family.  Even though in a lot of areas I am still self-centered, I am a whole lot less self-centered because I am married than I would be if I had remained single.

8)    What does date night look like for you?

Over these 25 years date night has taken on many different looks.  Now, our date nights are date days.  We usually spend every Friday together (getting things done together whether it has to do with his job or not) and then we have lunch, dinner, and do a lot of talking.  We shop together (many times its home depot to get what we need for our home. Sometimes it’s for fun stuff for us).  But we have fought to make sure we keep spending time together a priority.

9)    What are the top three things/people that pull you away from or compete with your marriage? How do you deal with them?

First and foremost, children will always compete with your marriage and if you are not careful, your marriage and homelife will become child centered.

Secondly, ministry (Ray’s job) has been competition for our marriage and time for all of our life.

To deal with each, takes communication, and openness in trust so that you can express your feelings (man to a woman about her becoming child centered, and woman to a man about becoming job centered… especially when both want to do well in these capacities).

Mostly realizing that there will be times when there will be things that will compete for your attention and it HAS to take priority over your marriage and family BUT, it has to get back in its proper place as quickly as possible.  Ex.  When you have a newborn, there will be a period of time when mom is more concerned with the things of the newborn than her marriage (breastfeeding, recovering from labor and delivery, getting sleep, etc.  and for ex. Beginning a new church (set up for ministry involves TONS of meetings, preparation for sermons, getting and developing a leadership team, meeting with ALL of the peeps who have questions etc).

10) What role has community played in your marriage?

There is no way to make it without community.

When the things that compete for your marriage get way out of whack… you have to have those that remind you that something is awry.  You have to have those that know you enough to tell you the truth, laugh with, play with and make sure you understand the importance of life and that it is not monetary success.

11) What’s one thing you wish someone had told you before marriage?

That life is short and to spend more time making memories that count.  That kids grow up fast so spend time with them and make sure they understand that God is their source and not you.  I really wish someone had told me to make ministry WITH my family a priority.  It grows you closer than anything else.

12) If you have one final thought or piece of advice to share with current or future wives, what would it be?

Run had after Christ and everything else will fall into place.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  Matt. 6:33

 

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Becoming Grace-Based Parents

September 17, 2013 By: Shanacomment

This weekend Casey and I attended a parenting conference. I’m sure you’re wondering why two people without kids would attend such a conference. It’s like training camp for football players or bootcamp for soldiers. You see, in about 9 months we will be parents, welcoming a beautiful child into out home.

In just 9 short months our life is going to be turned upside down as we step onto a new battlefield. Thankfully, we have time to prepare our hearts and minds to welcome this sweet child into a home where she will be able to feel safe, supported and prepared to thrive as an adult. We are taking every opportunity that comes our way to make sure we are prepared.

Dr. Tim Kimmel has devoted the latter part of his life to speaking and teaching the truth about Biblical parenting in a way that is easily understood, applied, and creates life change that impacts your family for generations to come. This Friday and Saturday event was so full of wise parenting advice that I can’t even begin to summarize it for you. Thankfully, Dr. Kimmel has put together a great visual reminder of everything we learned about how to be a grace-based parent, and no, it doesn’t mean be nice and let them get away with everything. Not at all.

Becoming-Grace-Based-Parents

Dr. Kimmel describes the model.

I truly believe this is a chart that all parents should know, understand and apply. So I encourage you to attend a grace-based parenting conference near you, host a small group in your home, or at least read the book. Click here to find all those resources.

So what’s next for us? We are going to spend 15 minutes every week for the next 9 months going through our notebook from the weekend to begin implementing and practicing grace-based living in our home so we are ready when our little bundle of joy arrives next summer. Okay. So maybe she’s not quite so little, but she is a bundle of joy and we are honored to get to guide her through her teenage years.

Some might call taking in our 14 year old niece insane, but we could not be more excited. Just like with any child, I’m confident she is going to bless us and teach us more than we ever could her. And we are ready, with hearts full of grace, to love her like our own.

Truly a Weekend to Remember

May 13, 2013 By: Shanacomment

Casey and I have known about family Life’s Weekend to Remember conference since before we were married. After 3 years of marriage, we finally attended one here in Nashville with about 15 other couples from our church. Although I had always thought we should go before, there’s a reason God had us wait until now. I can’t imagine trying to go through that conference with the place we were in a couple years ago. Well, I guess I can. Remember the Art of Marriage conference we did a while back? It did help us draw closer and have some much needed repair, but we kind of fought through most of it. We’ve come a long way since then.

Instead of learning how to talk to one another and rehashing old hurts, we were able to really focus on certain areas on which we need to improve. We had really great discussions about how to become better spouses and improve our marriage. I was so thankful for this opportunity and guidance that really helped us seek a new level of intimacy in marriage.

My biggest takeaways: If I believe that God loves me and wants what’s best for me then I must trust that my husband is God’s perfect provision for me. If I believe God loves my husband and desires his sanctification way more than I do, I must get out of the way and let the Big Guy Upstairs do His job.

Even if you are going through a really rough time or maybe you’ve been happily married for many years, this conference is for you. It’s just like a car. Maybe your marriage is an old beat up junker car that needs a serious rebuild or maybe it’s a shiny new Lexus that just needs a tune-up. Either way, it’s going to ride much better after you visit the mechanic. Your marriage deserves time and attention. So check the calendar and get there. You won’t regret it.

Oh, and don’t skip out on Project 3 unless you have to. It’s the best 😉

10 Reasons to Make Next Weekend One to Remember

April 25, 2013 By: Shana2 Comments

Family Life’s Weekend to Remember will be in the Nashville area May 3-5, 2013. Casey and I are joining a pile of our friends and heading down to Franklin for the big event. If you’re married, engaged, or seriously dating someone, you should definitely be there!

10 Reasons You Should Attend Weekend to Remember

1. Let’s face it. You and your spouse really need a weekend getaway.10-reasons-to-make-next-weekend-one-to-remember
2. You’re marriage is worth fighting for.
3. Real change happens. Seriously. Watch this.
5. Investing in your marriage should be a priority. We call it marriage insurance.
6. Life is meant to be lived out in community. This weekend would be the perfect place to make some new couple friends.
7. Every marriage needs a yearly check-up. Yes, even your perfect, suburban marriage with your 2.5 kids and Labrador Retriever.
8.  Ray and Robyn McKelvy will be speaking. You’ve heard me talk about them before. Ray is my pastor, and Robyn is like a mother to me. They are fun, funny and full of wisdom.
4. Money isn’t an object. Really. If you can’t afford to go, there are scholarships. If you’re not from here and can’t afford a hotel, I have a pretty fantastic guest room.
9. You’re likely to learn something new about yourself, your spouse, and your marriage.
10. Casey and I will be there. What other reason do you need?

Click here to register or find an event near you.

Photo via summerbl4ck. 

The Art of Marriage

May 5, 2011 By: Shanacomment

It may sound like a creative title for a blog post, but it’s actually Family Life’s latest contribution to the world of marriage. Casey and I spent last weekend with some our closet friends and some new friends learning all about the art of marriage from a Christ-centered approach. You may have heard of Family Life’s Weekend to Remember. I hear it is amazing, but it can get expensive after the registration cost and then travel expenses. The Art of Marriage is a DVD series with workbook that Family Life put together. It can be done in one day but we took it slow, Friday night and Saturday. It was just recently released. I highly encourage you to find it near you if you are married or engaged. The videos were extremely well done, not cheesy. Not to mention, the content was challenging and very foundational. However, the actual content didn’t provide my key takeaways.

My first main takeaway was that I am so blessed to have such wise counsel in my life. Few were chosen to speak on the Art of Marriage DVD, but 2 of the group were people I have the pleasure of knowing personally. Michael Easley, past president of Moody Bible Institute, is the head pastor at Fellowship Bible Church and is now the interim lead pastor for the young adults group, Inversion. Person number two is my second momma, Robyn McKelvy. Robyn’s husband Ray is exiting pastor of Inversion, led Casey and I in premarital counseling and on our wedding day. Robyn has loved on me for the last two years, and she and Ray have led Casey and I’s community group for almost a year now. That weekend made me even more thankful for the people God has placed in my life. I feel so blessed to have people like Robyn and Michael to fill me with the truth and love.

During the Art of Marriage we were given project time. On Saturday, we had the opportunity to write each other a letter and then read it to each other outside on a beautiful summer day. My love for Casey grew as I was guided by thought provoking questions for writing my letter. Then my heart was filled as Casey read his letter to me. There’s nothing like a true moment of moving towards each other, engaging and connecting. Now that’s an “opportunity for intimacy.” This project time and then the other, a picnic and time of exploring our need for repentance and forgiveness, gave us much needed time to repair and reconnect. If that’s all we got out of the weekend, it would have been worth every dollar and every minute!

In case you want to write a similar letter to your spouse, here are the questions that Art of Marriage gives to guide us. Let me know if you get a chance  to write one!

1 – What qualities attracted me the most to you when we first met?
2 – How has God used our differences to help complete us and to help me grow?
3 – HUSBANDS: Think of an example of how your wife has shown you respect and supported you. Take time to encourage her for her efforts.
4 – WIVES: Think of an example of how your husband has loved and led you well. Tale time to encourage him for his efforts.
5 – HUSBANDS: Reflect on your responsibilities as a husband to love and lead your wife. Express one of the ways you commit to grow in each area moving forward.
6 -WIVES: Reflect on your responsibilities as a wife to respect and support your husband. Express one of the ways you commit to grow in each are moving forward.

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Meet the Wife

Hi! I'm a semi-newlywed living in a small town outside of Nashville with my husband, Casey, our baby boy, teen niece, and hyperactive dog, Minny. I'm a new mom and marketing consultant at BeEngaging.com that loves Jesus and won't eat anything with 4 legs. I talk about marriage, pregnancy, parenting and everything in between. I believe real growth only happens through transparency. Join me on the journey. Read More…

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