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The Wednesday Wife: Jennifer Ramsey

January 22, 2014 By: Shana2 Comments

If you’ve ever struggled with being “The Good Wife,” this is the Wednesday Wife for you.

It warms my heart to share this friend’s testimony with you because I’ve had the pleasure of walking through so much of this with her. We’ve done marriage together from the beginning, were friends before we met our men, and are even stronger friends now. I constantly thank God for blessing me with Jennifer’s friendship. It’s raw, real, deep and a true joy. I can always count on Jennifer to accept me where I am, listen to my garbage, and just sit there in it with me.

She’s only been married 3.5 years, but the wisdom she has gained as they’ve walked through trials is priceless. I pray that her transparent look into marriage is an encouragement to you, especially when you’re feeling like you aren’t ever “the good wife.”

Please remember that when we share like this we are leaving ourselves vulnerable. This is our chance to love on Jennifer. Please make sure to leave a comment thanking her for sharing or letting her know how her story has encouraged or comforted you.

Jennifer Ramsey married her husband, Rich, on July 18, 2010.

wednesday-wife-jennifer-ramsey

1)    Tell us your courtship story. How did you meet and end up married?

Rich and I met in college on a trip where we ate breakfast together, were in a 7 car pile-up, and ironically don’t remember each other at all. Thankfully, about 4 years later, God brought our paths together again in Nashville through Fellowship Bible Church. We met shortly after I moved to Nashville while playing what I wanted to be a non-competitive but he wanted to be a competitive game of Ultimate Frisbee, but didn’t really get to know each other until about a year later when I asked him to help with a fundraiser for a mission trip I was going on. After quite a bit of accidental (but really very intentional) meetings over the next few months, we developed quite an affinity for each other. When Rich finally asked me out on an official date a few months in to our charades, I was thrilled!

From the very beginning of our relationship Rich was very clear that his intentions for dating were to find a wife. I really appreciated that his intentions were clear and out there, and I didn’t have to wonder whether he was ready for something serious or not. Our conversations could be meaningful and rich since I knew this wasn’t a guy who would mess with my emotions and heart. It didn’t take long (only about 2 months) for us to go home to meet the families… over Christmas none the less. I had never brought a boy home period, so my family knew something was up when he walked through the door. As my sister stated in the toast at our wedding, this was also the first boy who I didn’t immediately nitpick to pieces! After the holidays we both knew what our future held. Three short months later, Rich asked me to marry him with a beautiful song he had written me, a scrapbook of all the places we fell in love, and the perfect ring (except for that it was 2 sizes too big :). I left for Haiti two days later and returned to find that Rich had picked out our house! We got married 3 months later in the dead heat of summer. It was a beautiful day that was full of great memories despite the 100 degree weather and my mono infection that emerged just in time for our wedding.

2)    On your wedding day if someone had asked why you were getting married, what would you have said?

I was marrying my best friend.

He was man that could always make me laugh, could keep me grounded when I needed it, and loved me like Christ loved the church. The way he served me, adored me, and challenged me made me want to be a better person and a stronger follower of Christ.

3)    If someone asked you today why you have stayed married, what would you say?

In our 3 years of marriage I have loved having someone on my side through anything. I can come home and know that I am fully loved and accepted by God’s perfect match for me. I love that marriage forces us to be refined because nothing is hidden. All of your struggles are out there and you have to deal with them. What is beautiful about marriage is you are not alone in the fire.

4)    Do you have children? If so, how has having children affected your marriage?

We just had our first baby 2 months ago! She has changed a lot of our day-to-day activities for sure, but we are working really hard to make sure that our marriage is still the center of the family. I have fallen more in love with Rich as I watch him serve me in helping out when we are both exhausted and when I look at him play and cuddle with our little bundle of joy. Date nights are much more intentional these days and spontaneity seems to be a thing of the past for now. I appreciate that we have a great community around us that lovingly watches her for us so we can still have quality alone time on a regular basis.

5)    What has been one of your greatest trials in your marriage and how did you all overcome it?

The trials we have faced in the past 3 years have been outside forces attacking us.  I would say overall the biggest trial we have faced is my husband’s chronic back pain. It prevents him from doing things that he loves as well as things he views as his responsibility as a man. We have learned humility in asking for help from friends and family when we need to. We have learned to work our life and activities around what works for his pain. We have been blessed with friends who are so gracious and understanding about the small details. I have learned to be a servant. I am constantly amazed at how Rich goes through each day in so much pain, yet rarely complains or even speaks of it unless specifically asked. He does things for our family to serve us, even if it causes him pain. We have learned the pleasure of having a quiet night in where the couch is our favorite spot. We have most of all learned to trust that God knows what he is doing and will provide exactly what we need even if it doesn’t look like what we anticipated.

6)    What has been the most challenging aspect of being a wife?

I would say that the first 6 months of being a wife were tough because of my own expectations. I thought that to be a “good wife” you had to keep your house perfectly clean, always have the laundry done, have a delicious and healthy meal on the table each evening by 6 o’clock, look perfect at all times, and still work a full time job (at least till you had kids). HA! No one on earth can do that!

Every time I failed at living up to that ideal, I would get very down on myself, which meant I was always down on myself! Rich was always gracious and reminding me that he didn’t expect any of that, but it was hard for me to accept that I wasn’t everything I thought I should be. Thankfully my married friends were experiencing similar dilemmas. It meant everything to me that other women weren’t perfect either!

7)    How has being a wife changed you?

Before I got married I would have told you that one of my best qualities was serving people. As it turns out, I am much better at being lazy and asking Rich to serve me. Marriage has shown me more weaknesses than I care to admit. Thankfully, I have a husband that encourages me and never points out all of the flaws I see in myself. In turn, marriage has challenged me to become an encourager for my husband and a true servant for my family.

8)    What does date night look like for you?

Now it looks like a babysitter, dinner that I don’t cook, and a walk around the park. My favorite nights are those that I can spend relaxing with my husband in any setting where we really get to talk about important things… not just what is going on in the world, but what is going on inside of us. It doesn’t matter where that happens, just that it does.

9)    What are the top three things/people that pull you away from or compete with your marriage? How do you deal with them?

Work. I am a teacher which takes a lot more time and energy than you ever plan on allowing it to. I have learned that my job is not more important than my family and in keeping that balance, I have accepted the fact that I am not going to be teacher of the year 🙁

Volunteering. This one is tough because donating your time and energy is a good thing, but can be a bit overwhelming. There was a time early in our marriage when we decided the only way it was going to work to see each other AND volunteer was to do things together. So, we are either both doing it or neither of us do it.

Family. This is not so much of a time issue as it is an issue of who you run to in tough times. It is important to go to your spouse for all things and not your parents. A piece of advice here or there is great, but you and your spouse are a team — united by God to handle what comes. That means you don’t need to share every detail of your life with your family, especially if there is any chance it will reflect badly on your spouse. By going to your spouse first you show them that you trust and value them above others.

10)    What role has community played in your marriage?

Community has been a HUGE part of our marriage. We have been blessed with an abundance of genuine and transparent relationships with other married couples. Our community group of newlyweds was the best gift for our first year of marriage. To know that other people are going through various trials you gain confidence that you can make it through current or future trials. You also realize that you are not all that different in your thoughts, feelings, struggles, and joys. Most of all, the laughs that come out of that group can’t be replaced!

11)     What’s one thing you wish someone had told you before marriage?

I wish someone had told me to give myself a break when it came to being the “perfect wife.” I also wish someone would have told me that laundry doesn’t just double when you get married, it feels like it quadruples!

12)    If you have one final thought or piece of advice to share with current or future wives, what would it be?

Fight for your marriage.

There is nothing so big that God can’t overcome it. While Rich and I have been blessed that we have not been through a stage where it would have been easy to give up, we have walked with so many couples that have had BIG struggles. The world would have understood them walking away. I admire those couples for never allowing divorce to be discussed, but instead threw themselves whole-heartedly towards wise counsel and transparent relationships.

I know by their example that fighting for your marriage can be done and the relationship on the other side is a beautiful testimony of God’s promises.

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Down for the Count

January 5, 2014 By: Shanacomment

Originally written October 8, 2013. 

I feel so terribly lazy and worthless. I woke up this morning feeling okay, but not quite myself. I made my smoothie (the only breakfast item I can stand to eat recently), and enjoyed it on the couch. I headed to the bathroom to get ready for my day and ended up right where I sit now — in bed. My stomach goes from feeling empty and growling to bloated. I feel like I need to poke a hole in my belly, otherwise everything I eat is going to come right back up the same way it went down. Is it bad that sometimes I wish for that? Feeling nauseous is bad enough, but nausea without the good relief of an occasional vomit is worse, at least for me.

Part of me feels guilty complaining… guilty every time I find myself back in this bed. I have friends that have ended up hospitalized, sick their entire pregnancy, and the majority of my friends experienced this same nausea; yet they had jobs to go to every morning. Thankfully, on most days, I can make my own schedule and save work for the afternoon when I’m feeling better, like I did today.

When I went back to bed this morning I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until noon and by then, my nausea was worse, not better. There’s still work to be done, and God knows I can’t stand the thought of eating right now, so I found my computer and brought it to bed. I managed to knock out a good chunk of work and even got through a couple client phone calls before my need for food overtook my current food aversion. My craving has recently switched from french fries to chips and salsa. Slightly healthier, but still not anywhere close to my typical diet.

No wonder I feel sick right now. All I’ve had today is a fruit smoothie, chips and salsa, and of course, a lot of vitamins. It’s almost 4pm and I so desperately want to eat something, but the thought of food produces more nausea which keeps me in this bed. This will continue until the one magical food comes across my mind, and I don’t squirm at the thought of eating it. Hopefully that’s sooner rather than later.

There’s so much I want to get done today. I’m halfway done with laundry for the 2nd time in two weeks. For some reason I can’t ever seem to get all the way done, and by the time I’m back at it, I might as well be starting over. I’m hoping today will be the day I can be done, truly done. There’s also the harvest decorations I want to put up. Those sunglasses I need to return. That new phone I need to get. That proposal I need to review. Papers to file. Plants to pot. Gifts to wrap.

Everything in me wants to be able to mark all of these things off my list before today is done, but everything else in me just wants to stay in this bed until I feel like myself again. Sadly, I have a feeling that isn’t going to happen anytime soon, and eventually, despite my turning stomach, I’m going to  have to pull myself up by the belt of this robe and get to work… push through and make it happen. Oh! I know what I’m craving — Simply Apple Juice. Time for yet another run to the store for my amazing husband. In the meantime, I’m going to move from the best to the bath and pray for a fresh start to my day.

Marriage Minute: Sick of Sick

January 27, 2013 By: Shanacomment

I’m so thankful for all the thoughts and prayers that you all have been sending our way. It’s not over, so keep ’em coming!

I know you all are probably just as sick of sick as I am, but I just have to be real with you.

Marriage Minute: Confession of a Bad Caretaker

December 11, 2012 By: Shana2 Comments

I know I haven’t done a marriage minute in a while, but I just got out of sync with things after the summer. I’m not saying that I’ll be starting them back regularly, but today, a video just seemed more fitting.

Goodbye Granddaddy: A Funeral & Reflection (Part 3 of 3)

May 23, 2012 By: Shana2 Comments

Read Part 1 & Part 2

Watching my granddaddy die was the hardest thing I have ever done. It was extremely painful to watch as he held on as long as he could, but God gave me peace through the heartache. I knew that his pain was gone. That he knew the love of Christ. That he knew his family loved him. That he knew the joy that was waiting on him. There was a peace that truly surpassed all understanding.

Granddaddy-with-me-and-sis

Me with my big sis, granddaddy and grandma Lois

After all of that, the funeral was easy. Being there when he passed, having said my goodbyes a thousand times, I didn’t need to say anything to his body, I didn’t need to touch it. I didn’t want to touch it. I didn’t want to replace the feeling of holding his hand as he passed with the feeling of his cold empty body.

During the funeral, I kept picturing my granddaddy and what he would think about all this. It made me smile.  He was probably laughing, wondering what we’re doing making a such a big fuss of him. He probably got a kick out of his first meeting with his 3-year-old great granddaughter. After being in the funeral home for an hour she finally realized that there’s a body in the coffin and wants to know who it is. We tell her it’s her great grandfather. She proceeded to tell everyone “that’s my granfadur. He dead.” It was too funny, at least to some of us. I had the joy of telling her about granddaddy going to heaven. And she had the joy of telling her granny about her “gweat granfadur going to visit Kevin.” She was a little confused. She had so many questions. “If he’s in Heaven, why is he over there? Where is heaven? What is heaven? But he’s right there?” She eventually gained the courage to get a closer look. I saw her with her hands on the edge of the coffin, peaking over. I picked her up and held her as she gracefully ran her hand over his hair, and then not so gracefully poked his cheek. It’s incredible how the innocence of a 3 year old can bring such joy and laughter to such a mournful setting. I know my granddaddy was in heaven, smiling with those big blue eyes as he watched all his family and friends come together.

Granddaddy with his pup, Cleo

As I reflect on the last couple weeks, I am so thankful for a God to lean on who gives me strength – who offers hope and peace in times of sorrow and turmoil. I am thankful for the Truth of the Gospel – that my granddaddy didn’t have to earn his spot in Heaven. He simply had to believe in God’s son and accept his grace. I am thankful for family an how extremely accommodating everyone was. I am thankful for my husband who stood by my side. Who gave me space when I needed it. Who had the words to speak the Gospel to my family. Who took care of home while I was away. Who was there when all the built up sadness and hurt came bubbling over on Saturday night after everyone went to bed. I am thankful for you, Casey.

I learned a lot about the power and wisdom of God that week. About the way He will truly hold us if we let Him. How he can give us strength to hold on and be there for others, even in the hardest times. How His plans are sovereign. It was God who orchestrated having my granddaddy in Nashville so that I could spend time with him and that my grandma, mom, and uncle could stay in our home, and we could all support each other as a family during this difficult time. It was God who orchestrated Casey being able to share the Gospel. His fingerprints are everywhere. His divine appointments are waiting for us. We only need to answer the call, open our hearts, and choose to see the world through His eyes.

Thank you all for your love, support and prayers during this time. I don’t know what I would do without my friends, family and God – supporting and encouraging me along the way.

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Meet the Wife

Hi! I'm a semi-newlywed living in a small town outside of Nashville with my husband, Casey, our baby boy, teen niece, and hyperactive dog, Minny. I'm a new mom and marketing consultant at BeEngaging.com that loves Jesus and won't eat anything with 4 legs. I talk about marriage, pregnancy, parenting and everything in between. I believe real growth only happens through transparency. Join me on the journey. Read More…

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