Mine for a Moment

September 30, 2014 By: Shanacomment

It’s after 11pm and I’m up late finishing up some work that could wait until tomorrow when I stumble across a picture of a friend’s newborn baby on Facebook. Although it was just 4 short months ago, I almost can’t remember what it felt like to hold Silas’ little 5lb 12oz body. I put down my computer and walk down the hall to the bedroom and like a crazy woman, pick up my precious sleeping son. I wrap my arms tightly around his tiny body and press his soft cheek against mine as I inhale his sweet aroma. I rock back and forth as my tired body and mind are suddenly enraptured with joy and sadness all at once. I know I need to put him down and get to bed, but every fiber of my being wants to embrace him until morning or longer… like high school. As I gently place him back in the bed he wakes and begins to whimper – a sound I’m not usually looking forward to at this time of night, but tonight it’s music to my ears. So here I am still holding my precious, awake son, the warmth of his little body seeping into my core, and I find myself fearfully aware of the passing of time. Every day that passes is one less day for moments like this one. God will you stop time for me? Just for a moment? He falls asleep and the rhythm of his breathing lulls me. Back to bed. My arms let go, but my heart holds tight.

Dear Lord, thank you for this soul stirring moment. He truly is only mine for a moment. May I never forget that.

Silas Graham is 3 Months Old!

September 15, 2014 By: Shana1 Comment

I can’t believe it has already been 3 months since sweet Silas blessed us with his presence.

These past few weeks have been crazy with daddy starting to teach again and sissy (Ashlynne) starting her freshman year at high school. I looked quite odd wearing a baby around at high school open house, that’s for sure. I’ve slowly been adjusting to having Silas to myself most of the time during the week. Thankfully, we worked it into the budget to have a nanny one day per week. It’s supposed to be time for me to work on the computer, but I usually take advantage of the freedom to go somewhere without having the get Silas in and out of the car. I’ll run errands for 1.5 hours then head home to nurse and work on the computer for a few minutes before dashing back out there door. It’s usually quite a chaotic day for having someone to help with Silas.

It’s definitely a different world trying to run a company and start a new business with my coworker being a 3 month old that loves to eat. He’s also working very hard on rolling over and has recently found his voice. That means lots of frustrated groans and even more playful screams as he tests out different volumes and tones. I’m learning to tune him out most of the time. The good thing is that we now have a pretty regular nap schedule. Sometimes it’s only 30 minutes and sometimes it’s 2 hours, but I now know that around 10, 1, and 5 I’ll get a smidgen of a break.

As much as his little guy has flipped my world upside down, I love him more and more everyday and am beyond blessed to be able to call him my son.

10 Secret Facts for New Moms

August 6, 2014 By: Shana4 Comments

We all know that being the mom of a newborn is a special time, especially when it’s your first baby. Everyone talks about the precious coos and the gummy grins. You may even hear about the lack of sleep and crying, but there’s a lot of facts about becoming a new mom that you may not hear. Don’t worry. I’m hear to fill you in 🙂

Disclaimer: Do not read the below if you are on the fence about becoming a mom unless you have a solid sense of humor. Just read this. Motherhood is incredibly amazing and a truly joyful time. It’s so worth it, and you should start working on having that baby or adopting. Now close this page and get back to looking at cute baby photos on Facebook.

10 Secret Facts for New Moms

1. The moment your head hits the couch or the pillow for a nap, baby wakes up, and you suddenly feel 10x more tired than before you tried to nap.
2. An open diaper means you will get peed on, and that’s if you’re lucky. The not-so-lucky get a little more.
3. A fresh diaper means baby will poop, not matter how long you waited to change it. See my side note below.
4. No matter how hard you try to avoid it, someone will sneak a paci or a thumb in your baby’s mouth and there will be no going back.

5. When hot food hits your plate, baby will become desperate for milk, even if you strategically timed your last feeding to be right before dinner.
6. You will forget your nursing cover when you need it the most, and find yourself improvising with a blanket or even a burp cloth.
7. The moment you brag about you’re baby sleeping a long stretch at night, they will immediately stop and go back to getting up every 2 hours.
8. When you put on your last clean outfit that still fits, you will inevitably get pooped on right before you leave the house. That leaves you the options of staying home or going out in your PJs. (Sorry, Charlotte. I just couldn’t wear PJs to your shower.)

Yup. That totally happened on my last clean skirt just as I was about to leave.

9. At some point, you will end up sleeping on a towel over your sheets or just on the comforter because you’re too exhausted to change the sheets in the middle of the night after a pee or puke accident.
10. Even if your little boy is in all blue or baby girl is wearing the cutest bow, someone will repeatedly call him and her and her a him.

BONUS FACT: Driving as a new mom may be more dangerous than driving drunk. Lack of sleep + cute baby in rearview mirror = extrememly reckless driver!

Side Note: I stopped in the middle of this blog post to go change Silas who had been unsuccessfully trying to poo for the last hour. The moment the clean diaper hit his bottom… before I could even get it closed, you guessed it, he had a blow out. Fact #3 in action right there.

I’m sure there are lots of facts that I’ve left off the list. I’d love for you to share yours in the comments!

The Loneliness & Isolation of First-Time Motherhood

July 28, 2014 By: Shanacomment

Being a new mom is a brave new world and no matter how much advice and help you have, it still feels like you’re facing it alone. You alone bear the title of “Mom.” You are your baby’s source of life, his source of comfort. And it’s overwhelming.

You’ve anticipated the arrival of this little bundle of joy, but nothing prepares you for your new reality. Your needs and desires are sitting on a shelf for a while. You have one priority and one priority only, and that’s taking care of baby. We’re talking survival mode.

A good day consists of making sure you get to eat at least two meals, don’t pass out from exhaustion, and as far as you know, baby is well fed and has been changed a few times. Answering emails? Responding to phone calls? There’s no time. You barely have time for your spouse, much less anyone else. Your capacity for emotional connection is drained, likely every 2 hours or so, by the most precious life you’ve ever seen.

Ironically, this loneliness may be a time when you’re around more people than you have been in a while. But even though family is in town, they’re likely in survival mode too. You’re new 24/7 job means you have little time, if any, for laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping or anything else that doesn’t directly contribute to baby’s survival. That’s where their energy goes. They offer practical support and may even attempt emotional support, but it’s just not connecting.

Friends stop by to drop off food and cuddle your little one. You smile and try your best to find your way out of the fog so you can carry on a decent conversation. It’s sad really. You’ve looked forward to a new face walking into your cave of a home all day long, but once they arrive, you realize how exhausting it is just having company. If baby’s asleep, you’re missing time to sleep, shower, or get something else accomplished. If baby’s awake, you’re likely struggling to figure out that nursing cover or hiding in another room altogether. You crave the company, but your mind and body aren’t prepared to handle it.

Even those that have been through this phase before, those that know it well, even they aren’t able to meet you there. Not now. They’ve seen the other side. They know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. They’ve felt the warmth of it on their skin. You haven’t. For all you know, that light has been permanently squelched.

So we hold out hope that the light isn’t squelched. Although deep down we know our reality will never be the same, we will never be the same, we pray there’s a chance that one day soon we will rise from this strangely dark, yet delightful place to reenter and reconnect with the world around us. And hopefully, we’ll have had a chance to shower by then. 😉

Praying with you.

Shana

Motherhood: A New Perspective on Productivity

July 21, 2014 By: Shana1 Comment

You’re a new mom. You live under a new schedule, one you can’t control. Make whatever plans you like for your day or even the next hour, but beware that your baby’s hunger supersedes any of your plans. All it takes is one hungry squeal from his lips for my body to go into feeding mode, pulling me away from whatever I might be trying to accomplish. It’s like babies have productivity radar. The moment you sit down to fold that load of laundry or write that quick work email, baby awakes from his deep slumber like he hasn’t eaten in days. Even if you wanted to ignore his cry for a moment so you could mark one teeny thing of your list, the ache in your body caused by his precious cry grabs all of your attention.

Say what? Not me, Mom!

Your to do list grows and grows, and if you’re like me, the lack of checks at the end of the day leaves you feeling disappointed. But if I’m honest with myself, I should realize I’m not going to get that report done for my client when I can’t even finish a load of laundry in a day. Sure, I make plans for when he is sleeping, but I’ll get distracted with things not on my list like, I don’t know, eating. I tend to forget to do that unless my husband brings a plate and sits it in front of me. Oh yeah. That is another feeding queue for baby. Anytime hot food hits a plate my little one decides he’s hungry, no matter how I try to strategically plan feeding times. I’ve tried feeding at the table during dinner, but I still can’t get settled and eat fast enough to enjoy a hot meal.

And then there’s sleep. I’m not sure when that’s supposed to happen. I never plan for it, but always end up there at some point in the day. I suppose I just push it off, focusing on that joke of a to do list, until my head is quite literally too heavy to hold up. They say sleep when the baby sleeps, but if you do that, you’d never get anything done. When do you eat? Go to the bathroom? Take a shower? Shower. One of those sure would be nice. You know you’re a new mom when you can’t remember how many days it’s been since you last showered, but you know exactly how many wet diapers your baby has had and how long they last fed on which boob. Priority shift.

Even though I’m not quite adjusted to this new world order, I’m slowly learning, with the help of my husband, that my new job is being a mom to baby. My new to do list is feeding 10-12 times a day, making sure he burps, rocking him to sleep, comforting his cries, and somewhere in there, feeding myself. My new measure of success is my son’s weight gain which, by the way, has been quite impressive!

Even though God is slowly giving me a new perspective on productivity, I’m still struggling to truly embrace this new job description and the success metrics that come with it. I mean, how many jobs can one have? It’s clear that baby is my #1 job, but what about all those other roles I play? Mom, wife, aunt, friend, daughter, writer, and the big one, company owner :-/

How do I be everything to baby right now, and still have something left for myself, my family and my job, the one that pays the bills? It’s overwhelming and quite frankly, it seems impossible. No, it is impossible. I’m just going to have to accept the fact that lots of to dos will not get done. My house will be dirty. I will eat cereal more than I like. My husband will be neglected. Birthday parties will be missed. New clients will have to wait. And the list goes on. But this season is only temporary and order will be restored soon. Or at least that’s what I’m going to tell myself.

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Mine for a Moment

Silas Graham is 3 Months Old!

10 Secret Facts for New Moms

10 Secret Facts for New Moms

The Loneliness & Isolation of First-Time Motherhood

Shana

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